sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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