So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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