I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
