At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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