she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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