doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
