Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
