i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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