He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
