Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
