if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love you.
Bad choice
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