dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
