Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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