p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
