And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
