Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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