I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
