i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
