Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
