so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
