dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
