I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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