they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
