dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She announced her abortion via fbk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
