You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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