DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
