question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
