So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
