things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
