a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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