dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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