Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize