were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
