I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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