he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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