Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
