i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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