you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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