Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
