She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
