What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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