He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
