its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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