so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
