babies were throwing up all over the place
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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