I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
