apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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