Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
