I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
