It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
