Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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