My first STD was from a foam party
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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