Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
