Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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