remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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