If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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