spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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