You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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