I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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