Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
