my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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