well I can't set my house on fire every night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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