You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
