69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
