Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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