She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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