you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
