Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
