Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
