She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
