you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
