he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
