What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
