Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
pop tarts are not kleenex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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