How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
