I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
