We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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