just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
