TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
