even my farts smell like vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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