Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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