someone get that fucking seahorse.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
