I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
