its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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