I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
