it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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