is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
