Do vagina's smell?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
