I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
