my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
